Buying sexy lingerie for your loved one is a blindingly good idea, so well done for even thinking about it. (We assume that’s why you’re here. Yeah, we know the pictures are nice...)
If there's one thing a woman loves more than pricey smalls, it's pricey smalls that she hasn't paid for. Giving her sexy lingerie also suggests that you find her irresistibly sexy and attractive. A woman who's made to feel sexy and attractive generally is sexy and attractive… and well up for it. It's a confidence thing. And you know how you want to play with Christmas presents straight away? She will, too.
Lingerie Fear Factor
But we know it's not that simple. In the mind of the average grown-up male, shopping for ladies' smalls is scarier than George Bush's IQ. It's just so very horrid on many levels: it reminds you of shopping with your mum in Littlewoods in 1979 (not a fond memory), it reminds you of those massive contraptions in your mum's bra drawer (ditto), it involves matronly shopping assistants who remind you of... (that's enough about your mum). Then there's the freakshow cult of bra sizes, which make as much sense to you as ancient Sanscrit.
Relax, take deep breaths, and please stop thinking about your mother. Thanks to Honey, buying posh smalls is now quick, easy and anonymous, and they use up hardly any wrapping paper. Just stay with me here for two minutes, read up on the different undie types that your bird might like, and go lingerie shopping.
The A-B-34C of lingerie sizes
While bra sizes are undeniably complicated, that's not your problem. All you need to do is look at one of her bras, ideally when it's not on her, and make a note of the number and letter combo: 34B, 36C or whatever. If it's 34DD, pat yourself on the back. (If she cuts off the labels, it either means she's too ashamed of her boobs to be any good in bed, or a control freak. Get out now.)
If you find a few different bra sizes in the drawer, don't be dismayed. It's not an exact science, and she may be an in-betweener who sometimes needs, say, a 34A and sometimes a 34B, depending on the design of the bra. If this is the case, you're better off sticking to undies that don't come in exact cup sizes, like baby dolls or silky chemises. These, like knickers, are sized in normal dress sizes such as 10, 12, 14 and so on. Again, the best way to check her size is to spy on her wardrobe labels – anything like a dress or skirt will reveal all. If she's a size 12, there'll be the odd 10 and 14 mixed in there, so work out the average.
7 Rules of the Sexy Lingerie Game
1. Lingerie is an intimate gift. Spring an unsolicited lace-up thong on some poor girl you've only been going out with for a couple of weeks and you might come over as a bit, well, scary.
2. How saucy is she? If she's the kind of woman who thinks pink pyjamas are the last word in raunch, you will not convert her by giving her crotchless knickers for Christmas. Think about what she likes, not just what you like.
3. If you're thinking of buying her a bra, what kind does she normally wear? There's a lot more to it than just size. Some girls don't like underwired or padded bras, while others view this as an essential feature. If she lives in T-shirts, you'll find that she wears smooth bras that don't show under her top, so treat her to something like the Playful Desires set, the sexy wet-look Darque Sheer and Wet Look Suspender set or, for special occasions, a Janet Reger Silk Lace Up Bra and Thong Set.
4. But don't keep it too practical. There's something rather indulgent in a set of lingerie that you only put on in order to have it peeled off. I mean, who's going to wear a super-sexy Marabou Trimmed Baby Doll set under a suit for work? Actually, now you mention it…
5. What colours would she like? White and black are both classics. If in doubt, default to black, because it looks great on everyone.
6. Many women are extremely self-conscious about their bodies, so think about which bits of herself she likes, and which she doesn't. A few pointers…
1. Fabulous cleavage: show it off in a bra. Get her into a Lace Open Cup Bra and String, and you'll think you've died and gone to breast heaven.
2. Big bum: Don't buy her a thong – she'll never wear it. Treat her to some J-Lo style Frilly Knickers instead.
3. Floppy tummy: If she's overly conscious of her tum, get her a classic babydoll rather than bra and knickers.
4. Curvy girl: A basque or corset will suit her a treat. Basques on skinny minnies are just… wrong.
5. Great legs: It has to be something short like a baby doll or short chemise: the Dreamgirl range of baby dolls look so gorgeous she'll soon be wearing them to the pub. Bottoms up!
7. Presentation is half the pleasure of getting gifts for her, so make sure to wrap the lingerie with beautiful paper and a lots of lush tissue paper. It'll make it look more expensive, too…
A Bloke's Guide to Buying Sexy Lingerie
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22 February 2008
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