Christmas Jumpers: The good, the bad and the really bad.

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Steve: @eBay_UK_Steve

Witty gift hunter. Here to help as part of #eBayElves between 9am and 6pm every day. (My evenings are spent tending the Reindeer)

So you think you've got Christmas under control right? Wrong! How can you possibly think you've been on top of your game if you haven't been rocking a festive fleece! 

You are about to be expertly guided through the Christmas jumper scene by a self proclaimed yuletide professional (with a bit of help from my nan).

Every single human being should own a christmas jumper. Lads and ladettes, sit back, grab a cuppa and prepare for a festive fashion collection that rivals Victoria's Secret.
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1. The Imposter

Half man, half elf. This slick jumper is modelled on genuine elvish clothing. It will fool any family member into thinking you could actually be one of Santa's sidekicks. Armed with all things you should look for in a christmas jumper, 3 or more colours, buttons where they are not needed and a very naive printed style. This gem comes with the added bonus of playing a festive christmas song every time the button is pressed, a sure fire way to really please everyone around you as it constantly goes off all month long. 

Buy Now:  Green Elf Jumper on eBay
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2. The Ugly Christmas Sweater Kit

Just when you thought you'd seen it all, this handy kit gives you the chance to show your creative flair and impress your co-workers with a range of festive decorations to spread around your wearable Christmas canvas. Did you know ginger bread men were invented in Essex when fake tan was first tested on biscuits? Christmas is in your hands now folks. 

Buy Now: Ugly Christmas Sweater Kit on eBay

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3. The Brain Melter

I recommend being the wearer of this festive nightmare as at least you won't have to look at it all day! Not many can pull off this pattern busting number, but if you do manage it (like myself), this bold statement will make you the king of Christmas. This jumper has the ability to melt ice with its migraine inducing print. But it is 52% cotton, so at least it's cosy!

Buy Now:   Loud Jumper on eBay

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4. The Classic One: Vintage Reindeer Sweater

Classy, understated and traditional..... are just some of the words used to describe me. I suppose the jumper and I have a lot in common this time around.

 A risky christmas dinner piece due to the mainly white fill, so be careful with that gravy!

Buy Now:   Vintage Reindeer Sweater

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5. The Fun Sponge

Someone call the Christmas police! If you are looking to crush everyones festive mood then you are onto a winner.  The only guy I can imagine wearing this is my co-elf, Greg. You have to have a very dry sense of humour and a personality bigger than this jumper to not become the most boring man in the office. 

Buy Now: Personalised Christmas Jumpers from eBay
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6. The Bad One


This is called the “Red Bad Santa” jumper. A very apt description. It's so bad it's good. This Could be a good way to stitch someone up for secret santa however....

Buy Now: Red Santa Jumper on eBay

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7. The High Tech One: Crackling Fireplace Christmas Jumper

Download an app, then slide your mobile into a special little pocket on the front and ta-da - you look like a fireplace. The latest way to rinse your phone battery this Christmas allowing you to ignore phone calls from long lost family members. Once that's happened you'll be left with an empty fireplace. I suggest using the pocket to fill with pigs in blankets before they all get stolen by your drunken uncle. 

Buy Now:   Crackling Fireplace Christmas Jumper on eBay

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8. The Rude One: Naked Mooning Santa Ho Ho Ho

This has single handedly ruined every nice thought I had about Santa. Carefully labelled underneath to enlighten your audience that this in fact, is rude Santa. A great way to get disapproving looks from the extended family & the girlfriends parents, for under a fiver can we really complain too much?

Buy Now:  Naked Mooning Santa on eBay

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9. The Nerdy One: Star Wars Knitted Jumper

Hipsters of the world can unite and rejoice that there is finally a jumper for them. What's cooler than pretending not to be a nerd than wearing nerdy jumpers. A classic fair isle style, with that modern sci-fi twist that is sure to get everyone to geek out, especially with the new star wars being released soon enough. "Luke, I am your Santa!"

Buy Now: Star Wars Christmas Jumpers on eBay
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10. The Wry One: Tesco Value Christmas Jumper

This tongue-in-cheek Tesco-themed sweater takes the tradition of the bad Christmas jumper to new levels. Proudly promoting just how budget your Christmas jumper is. You will notice eye rolling all around you as the joke hits home. It can only really be pulled off by the humble type. Once again I probably come to mind there for you, but with already so many jumpers I'll look great in, why not have this one for yourself?

Buy Now: Budget Christmas Jumper from eBay
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