Greetings, gweilos. I am Ling Chi, venerable chinese merchant, and I am here to tell you all about the wondrous thing that is Category III cinema.
Category III, is cinema rating from Hong Kong. It tells you this film is not suitable for little ones. It is like your 18 certificate but for Hong Kong films which are better than British or American films.
Films like Untold Story, a film about a mad cook. He chops up people and puts them into buns. Lots of blood and body parts. Very funny! He feeds buns to members of public. Actually, human flesh important in traditional chinese medicine. But stupid medical councils, they tell me illegal and threaten to close my medicine shop.
Dr Lamb. This taxi driver - he totally crazy! He likes the dead women. And he chop them up afterwards! He uses black and decker! Then, silly man, he takes his photos down to Boots to be developed. Not first man to make such mistake.
A Chinese Torture Chamber Story, my kind of story. In my days, torturing poor people was a harmless upper class pursuit until stupid Communists make torture by the rich illegal. They hog all the torture fun for themselves. But now you can watch DVD of good old days. A lot of funny torture. One man, he jump out of own skin! Ha, ha!
Run and Kill - man so fat, he is funny on his own. But then he "accidentally" gets hit man to kill his whole family - even funnier! He goes on run and has to get another hit man to kill the first hit man. A lot of funny violence in this one.
Escape from Brothel - women from lower classes often end up in brothel. This is excellent film showing what happens to them. Two women - they use baseball bat but they no playing baseball! Ha, ha! Maybe because they have no balls! I'm very funny man ...
I hope I whet your appetite for Category III films. You watch CAT III films and you see why Hong Kong films best in world. Buy from me, Ling Chi. I do you very good deal.