MESSAGES ON EBAY DISPUTES AND COMPLAINTS

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As a seasoned eBay seller with almost 15 years experience buying and selling on eBay I have had some messages, excuses and complaints that had I not received them, I would have thought they have to be made up. So I thought for entertainment purposes why not share, its worth receiving some of them just for comic appeal.
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ITEM NOT RECEIVED

My personal favourite all time message has to be this one.
 "I have not received the item as you charged me too much postage!"
 Confused I asked for clarification.
 "It says on the packet that it cost you £2.80 to post and you charged me £4.00"
 So it says £2.80 on the package you did not receive?
 This was actually raised as dispute by the buyer with eBay, and they found in favour of the buyer and gave him a full refund. But was worth it just to be able to tell this story.
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THIS IS FAKE

Buyer dispute, item not as described.
 The buyer claimed that the aftershave gift set was fake. The matter was escalated to eBay and (I can imagine your surprise), the dispute was found in favour of the buyer! The buyer was given a full refund and allowed to keep the item. 2 weeks later the seller was selling an item that looked remarkably like the "fake" set that he had bought from me. I contacted the buyer who he sold it to and they the item was genuine. The only thing that actually annoyed me was he sold it for £2.10 more than I did . . . . swine :  )
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I AM A SIZE 12

Complaint:  Item not as described.
 I received this item and although it says size 12 in the label it is not a size 12. I am a size 12 and it is too tight for me, the dress is more like a 10.
 
 Yes, you are a size 12 and you look lovely.
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IT WAS THE COURIER HONEST

Item returned with parts missing parts.
 "that's strange it was definitely in there when I posted it. I think what has happened is the courier has opened it, taken some parts out, re-packaged it and then delivered it"
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GB V MB

I have received the item and it is not 32GB its 32MB . . . . . Although it states in the listing that it is a 32MB memory card I thought it was a 32GB so you should have written to me and double checked that I knew what I was buying.
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RADIO GAGA

Words cannot express my disappointment" I received the radio and there were no instructions.
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SAY CHEESE

The camera does not work as its too difficult to use.
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NOKIA'S ARE SO SIMPLE

Item not as described: Does not turn on.
 I received the phone and it does not work. I have been charging it for ages but when I unplug it and press the on button it won't turn on.
 Actually the phone is fine, I was pressing the wrong button.
 
 (If this dispute had been escalated to eBay, eBay would have found in favour of the buyer and a defect registered on the sellers account, even though there was nothing wrong with the item)
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THE ONLY WAY IS UP

Negative feedback: With under a minute of the auction left the seller kept putting the price up.

This wasn't one of mine but it was so funny I had to mention it.
SMILE IT'S NOT REAL LIFE IT'S ONLY EBAY !!
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SMILE IT'S NOT REAL LIFE IT'S ONLY EBAY !!
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