The 10 Types of Secret Santa Revealed

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@eBay_UK_Steve

Witty gift hunter. eBay Elf. Here to help between 9am and 6pm every day. (My evenings are spent tending the Reindeer 

It’s nearly that most wondrous time of the year: The Official Office Christmas Knees Up! This means that the crumpled fiver I found in my big coat last week is to be spent on a present for some lucky colleague picked at random from a hat.

Now, I’ve received some great Secret Santa gifts in my time, but I’ve also had a few that I’ve “accidentally” left in the pub before the night was through. So what should I expect to get this year? I reckon there’s about ten likely outcomes to any Secret Santa gift giving.  Let's me explain...
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The “I’ve Always Loved You!”


A bunch of roses, a mini bottle of fizz and a cuddly toy holding a heart? I wonder who my secret admirer could be? I wonder how we’re ever going to find… Oh actually it’s probably the person who’s hiding his/her face in her hands because it’s turning the colour of my boss' stupid Santa outfit. I’ve never actually experienced this, by the way, but a bloke can dream. 

Buy Now: Romantic cuddly Toys from eBay

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The Guy Who Buys the Lottery Ticket


It may seem a bit a thoughtless, a bit last minute… but what’s better, a novelty spinning bow tie or the chance to become a multimillionaire? Imagine if the you actually won! “Enjoy the rest of the meal and have a good Christmas guys, if you need me I’ll be in the Bahamas, like, forever. Don’t call. Taxi!”

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The “Found it on his Desk” Man


It’s either loosely wrapped in printer paper or simply placed inside a company A4 envelope. What could it be? It’s… IT’S… A STAPLER AND THREE COLOURS OF BIRO! YES! As soon as you open your 'gift' Simon from IT is at your shoulder saying “Sorry mate, completely ran out of time this morning” despite having had since November 2nd. 

Buy Now: Staplers on eBay
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Safe But Dull


It’s not even wrapped, it’s just in a small gift bag, so you’ve seen what it is for ages before you have to get it out and act surprised and gracious. Yup, it’s a mug from a posh supermarket. A mug with a small packet of chocolates inside. It says “Workin’ 9-5” on it. It’s still got the price on it, exactly £5. Woo. 

Buy Now: Novelty Christmas Mugs on eBay

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The Weirdly Extravagant One


The wrapping paper and ribbons must’ve cost more than a fiver alone. You whip it off to reveal four cut glass whisky tumblers and a small bottle of single malt in a presentation gift box, along with an invitation to a tasting event at Harrods. And all you got them was a stapler…

Buy Now: Whiskey Tumblers on eBay
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The Supermarket Shop


A festive special sarnie, four cans of lager individually wrapped in pages from that day’s copy of the newspaper, a chocolate bar, a bag of crisps and a little bag of chocolate coins. All presented in a Bag for Life. Actually this is a brilliant present!

Buy Now: Bag for Life Bags on eBay
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The Bit Rude One


Usually obtained from an online adult joke shop, there will invariably be a gift that’s a normal item, such as a pen, or a chocolate bar, that’s… wait for it… shaped like a willy. Dave from marketing nearly wets himself giggling as I unwrap it while managing to smile and look upset at the same time. Oh, Dave, you card. 

Buy Now: Alternative Secret Santa Gifts

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Slightly Inappropriate


Someone might feel it appropriate to buy me a helpful book. Perhaps called something like Lose the Belly in 30 Days. “You know, because you said you wanted to get fit… I did it years ago and it was brilliant, I’ve been thin ever since. I just thought… Hey, don’t cry?” It will only end in tears.

Buy Now: Self Help Books on eBay
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The Re-Gift


Not only do they not make this certain brand of chocolate selection anymore (a clue being that the use-by-date says best before a time when Tony Blair was PM) but it also has a faded tag on it saying “To Elaine, happy Christmas”. Thanks a bunch, Elaine.

Buy Now: Chocolates on eBay
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Can’t Lose with Booze


Looks like a bottle of wine. Feels like a bottle of wine. It’s… YAY! A bottle of wine! It may have been picked up from the shop in the station this morning, it may only be a fiver… but it’s a bottle of wine! One more for the table, no harm done, everybody’s happy. Cheers!
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And Now for the Ironic Christmas Jumper


You've sorted your Secret Santa gift and you've practised your surprise face for a fortnight, now it's time to sort the ironic office party knitwear. Let me help you with that. Here are my tips on the good, the bad and the brilliantly ugly.
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