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WHAAAA!!?... Is that an Official N64 controller pad of POWER x 2 ?!!! Ohh yee :D
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WHAAAA!!?... Is that an Official N64 controller pad of POWER x 2 ?!!! Ohh yee :D

Item condition:Used
Ended:17 Oct, 201122:34:02 BST
Winning bid:£16.00
8 bids
Postage:£4.50 - Standard DeliverySee more services  See postal discounts  |  See all delivery details
Item location: Falmouth, United Kingdom
Post to: United Kingdom
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Description

Postage and payments

Seller assumes all responsibility for this listing.Item number: 290617749374

Item specifics

Condition:
Used: An item that has been previously used. The item may have some signs of cosmetic wear, but is fully ... Read moreabout the condition
Type: Gamepads
Brand: NintendoPlatform: Nintendo 64

Approach this listing with utmost fortitude and you will find fortune and favour of the greatest Gods awaits the item's winner!!!

....For these are no ordinary TWO official N64 controllers, oh no they are not my friend; they are....controllers of (unspecified) POWER. 

Legend has it (and some would say hard FACT) that these controllers were crafted by the crippled God Hephaestus himself. That's right, a Greek God. Not only would he have eaten more fetta than could satiate the occupants of your Saturday Weight Watchers salvation circle, this guy made the fricken armour for ACHILLES. And I mean THE Achilles, not the Brad Pitt trout-pout Achilles. So by bidding on this you are also throwing two middle fingers up at Brad Pitt (extenuating circumstances to Lt. Aldo Raine - epic win), Orlando Bloom (extenuating circumstances to Legolas - epic win), and Eric Bana (extenuating circumstances to Chopper... ultra EPIC win). Pure utilitarian logic therefore follows that the same profuse POWER of that god-awesome armour penetrates every orifice of these pads - and right into where? That's right: your sweaty little palms...

The keen eyed of you may have noticed that these two controllers you are bidding on are not singular coloured, oh no! No no, my friends; indeed some might call them interracial. These are liberal controllers. Half Blue. Half Red. It's a fricken HYBRID! Any how you ask? Well, I know it may not be obvious, but I'm not actually a scientist. I can only go on the most educated guess by weighing up all possibilities and coming to a well composed conclusion. And that is that these control pad were made for Mario. That's right, MARIO. Mario himself has touched and used these controllers. I can hear you now, "of course Mario would own an N64, it all makes so much sense now!"; that's right. And do you think MARIO would use a granny grey controller? Heeeell no! So just to recap: these controllers were made by the famed Greek God Hephaestus, for Mario, who used them for his own seedy narcissistic pleasure. Mario playing Mario 64. It's almost sickening. An egotistical Italian? Well I have never...

Okay, so maybe I can't say for 100% definite that these controllers were used by Mario. But you know what, I can sure as hell tell you who DIDN'T use them: HITLER. Hitler has never used these controllers. Have a look on the other N64 controller listings on ebay - how many of them have said that their controllers have 100% not been used by Hitler? I'll tell you how many. One. THIS one baby. Say no to Fascism. Do the right thing. Bid now.

Having studied the pictures well, you would have also discovered something special on the back of one of the controllers. An engraving. A name; a story. The story of a boy called "Allen". Now we can guess much about Allen; we can guess that he had a very greasy, pastey little round face. We can guess that he spent many evenings alone in the dark doting over N64 his Granny bought him for his tenth birthday. We can guess that these controllers were part of an experience that gave little Allen something that no one - not those patronising parents nor even his favourite Granny - could or would ever give him: LOVE. So by buying these pads, you are not just buying pieces of plastic, wiring, electrical chip-boards and irremovable hand-bacteria - you are bidding on histories, stories, memories; you are bidding on love itself. Upon winning this auction, you will find that the most powerful, potent and perplexing emotion imaginable pours over you - the unfathomable love between man and machine that would put Darth Vader and his dirty right to god awful shame.

Now as you can imagine from this famed list of previous users (including myself - GO ego) these pads have been used up like an old sock in a male fraternity house. I'm pretty sure Allen whacked away at them his fair share as well - pun very much intended. HOWEVER, both joysticks are still so damn full of joy they're stiff like the onset of rigormortis. And very unlike a rigormortis subject, they're responsive and reciprocal.

Whilst the POWER of these pads is comparable to the undying love between a man and his dog, let us not restrict the conceptual endowments of these controllers to the hysterias of a popular emotional flippancy. I'm talking Kenneth Power's Power. I'm talking kick you in the face with my tubes just because I hell as well CAN! These controllers are by no means innately violent....but wouldn't it make you feel that little bit better knowing that you damn well could? Oh, what's that.... do you feel it too? Do you feel it bubbling up inside you? Some doctors have tried telling me it's irritable bowel syndrome. Those doctors felt the wrathful carnage of these controllers - they'll now tell you that feeling is RAW POWER. Say raw. What does it sound like? EXACTLY like? That's right, ROAR. And what roars? A freaking LION. Need I say more.

So if like every other social being in this world you suffer from innate insecurities, what better way to temporally tranquilize them than by exercising your modest power to bid on this listing and bid for MORE POWER! Some may call this greed. Some might propose the picture of me eating one of the Controllers of Power as a literal analogy of my power-hungriness. Do you know what those people are doing right now? They're watching; oh no not bidding, but watching. Side-lining. Spectating. Having a sniff. Well here's some news for you: annoying parents side-line. The fearful and meek spectate. Dogs sniff. The voyeur is an ebay vagrant. 

Be bold. Be brazen. Be a WINNER. Bid TODAY.


Questions? Hit me, mutha fo's.

Oh, and check out any other listings I may have happening. Give it me ya moneeeeeys.


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Seller assumes all responsibility for this listing.

Postage and packaging

Item location: Falmouth, United Kingdom
Postage to: United Kingdom
 
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Returns policy

Returns policy details
Returns accepted

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