How to deal with abusive ebayers.

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Hopefully most of you will never have to deal with an abusive ebayer, but, sadly, there seem to be more of them now than a couple of years ago.
Once upon a time, everyone was polite and respectful to other ebayers - sometimes almost overly so - because you simply didn't want to get bad feedback, and anyway, isn't it the British way to be polite through all adversity (and rudeness)?
Nowadays it seems if you buy something you are not happy with, or the item doesn't even arrive (even though you've paid for it) and you feel you have to leave bad feedback, it seems you can guarantee that you are left bad feedback in retaliation....what for? Being honest?
I have recently had cause to report a seller to ebay; I won, and paid for, a pair of shoes. After a week I heard nothing, so politely enquired where my shoes were. The reply was that my payment hadn't cleared through Paypal. It showed it had cleared my end, and Paypal also agreed it had cleared immediately. So I helpfully suggested the seller contacted Paypal herself. The abuse that came back was ridiculous, so I filed an "item not received" dispute with Paypal. The seller also filed an "item not paid for" dispute with ebay. I was duly refunded by Paypal (proving I had paid for it) but the seller still insisted I hadn't paid! The abuse got worse; the seller didn't respond to the Paypal dispute at all, but persisted with the ebay one (why??) in fact it is still ongoing, as the seller seems reluctant to end it, even though I've "won".
The outcome was that I forwarded her final rude and abusive message to ebay (complete with the swearing) - let them deal with it! I haven't heard anything, but that's another issue - I wish ebay would let you know the outcome when you forward things to them.
If anyone has anything to add to this, I'd like to hear from you. I hope it doesn't become an open battle ground on ebay, lots of us have enjoyed it for years; I for one am even reluctant to give neutral feedback, never mind negative!
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