How to paint Cthulhu

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I don't mean you should attempt to paint Cthulhu - literally- as
1. He would most certainly eat you before you got close enough.
2. You would need a prodigious amount of paint.
3. You would not be able to pick up the enormous brush that would be required.

No, I mean paint a facsimile of him and to do that you must first find out where he is likely to appear. I've seen him and I know the answer to that, however, I will not divulge that information here.
Say you did know where he might appear then the problem would be keeping him in that location for the amount of time needed to capture his imagine. Now here I can help.
1. Stake out three virgins (failing that I have found that an abundance of prunes will suffice, personally I hate the things, they give me terrible flatulence, but that is besides the point)
2. Cavort semi-naked in the surf (preferably when the sun has set) singing out Cthulhu's name to the tune of Eric Clapton's Layla
3. Imagine that you are seeing him.... concentrate, hard, very hard indeed.
I hope I have been of some help. If you find it too difficult to paint Cthulhu then by all means purchase one of my own works of art on the great monster. If you can find any of my books then buy them too. A signed copy will probably cost you many millions however.
Be well,
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