Ling Chi's guide to VCDs

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Greetings, white devils. Ling Chi, here, venerable chinese trader. I am here to tell you what is VCD.

In my shop, Ling Chi's DVD Emporium, I sell many VCDs. But simple white people, they ask me - what is VCD?

Well, my backward english friends, a VCD is a compact disc which plays video. It like DVD but from a simpler time.

In Hong Kong, we very much like VCDs. They cheap and numerous, like cockroaches in restaurant. They play on nearly all DVD player (check manual, must I wipe bottom for you as well?) and they no have region coding. VCD from Hong Kong play on DVD player from UK or USA.

However, VCD not as good as DVD. They only play 70 minutes of video, so most films must come on 2 discs. You get up halfway and change in middle of film. Very annoying if you so drunk, you cannot walk. You English, you like to drink, decadent dogs!

Picture quality not as good as DVD. About as good as VHS but bad quality not show up as analogue noise but digital artifacting. Still, VCD no degrade over time like VHS.

(Stupid white man walk into watch shop. He say, 'I like watch, please.' Salesman says, 'Analogue?' Stupid white man say, 'no. Just watch.')

Also, on VCD, subtitles usually burnt on. Can't turn off, like DVD. Can be very intimidating to illiterates, like your english "chavs", yes? In China, every child know 2000 pictograms by age of five. In your country, stupid Chavs can't learn 26 letters. Yours is very funny country but backward.

But why - stupid english people ask me - why buy VCD instead of DVD? Well, I say, some films only come on VCD. Either only released that way or DVD version out of print. If VCD your only option, you buy VCD or whistle the dixie, as white american devil say.

So, come. Do not be afraid of primitive VCD technology. Come to Ling Chi's DVD (and VCD!) Emporium and buy VCD of crazy Hong Kong films.

Ling Chi - Death by a thousand cuts ... to VCD prices!

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