Totally Futile Guide to Seller Descriptions Definitions

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The Totally Futile Users Guide to eBay and Internetting of Seller terms, Item Definitions, Abbreviations, Descriptions etc !

Nonsensical terms sellers often add in their descriptions but what they probably, and USUALLY transpire to mean about the item and/or the seller of the items!

This is a complete pisstake so please enjoy and rate !

"Grab a Bargain" really means..... cheap tat!

"Has been slightly used" really  means ..........this item is completely knackered

" Please visit my eBay shop" really spare bedroom is full of carbootie garbage

"Please email me with any questions "  really means .......if you are not going to bid then just sod off

"L@@k" in the header , simply means..... "avoid" my item I'm a sac

"sold for parts or not working" really means .........I am a greedy bugger

"please see my other items-huge clearout" really means .....I'm a shopaholic in therapy

"non smoker non pet home" really means...... I hate animals and am boring

"No Reserve" really  means......... I don't understand how eBay even works

" I don't post abroad " really  means ... I am a lazy sod

" P&P costs also includes petrol, not just the stamp!" really means........ I am fat and drive everywhere

" Brand new in box" really  means a crap present

"Brand new with tags " really  means ..........just stolen from Debenhams

" Brand new without tags" really means this at a charity shop for 50p

"Buy it now or Best Offer" really means........ I am desperate

"Vintage" really means ....... item all ripped and stinking

"Vintage " 2nd possible meaning granny died and I was left with all her crappy worthless junk

"Vintage " 3rd possible meaning ......hey, found this item in a skip

" Check out my 100% feedback" means...... I am very insecure and have trust issues

" Got this lovely item but it didnt fit me" means ......I am a fatso

" Only worn once" means......tatty and faded

"Real Leather but no label" means..... PVC

"Genuine item" means....this is a forgery because I have no receipt at all for it

" Gold-dust " means.....ten a penny but you didnt search Google for it

"Cheapest one at eBay" means....I  am still prepared to rip you off as its actually £30 cheaper on Amazon

"Relisted due to timewaster" means.....I shill bid this item on my other account and I won it

"Second Chance Offer" means .....I shill bid this item on my other account and I won it

" Collectors item" means....I am a trainspotter in a cagoule

hehe thanks for reading!

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