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Mad Cows by Kathy Lette (Paperback, 1997)

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If this is a miscarriage of justice, then detaining her in Holloway Prison's Mother and Baby Unit is the D&C. And why the hell is Maddy's friend Gillian searching for a sperm happy to get egg all over its face?.

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Maddy Wolfe's first day out with her newborn takes a Kafkaesque turn when she's arrested in Harrods for shoplifting. If this is a miscarriage of justice, then detaining her in Holloway Prison's Mother and Baby Unit is the D&C. The only person she can turn to is her hot-to-trot ex-lover Alex, who proves himself as useful as a solar-powered vibrator on a rainy day. When will he realise that a paternity suit is not the latest look in men's leisure wear? How do you brief a lawyer with a heat-seaking penis which doesn't report to mission control? And why the hell is Maddy's friend Gillian searching for a sperm happy to get egg all over its face? There's hard knocks and rude shocks in this devastatingly witty follow-up to Foetal Attraction. You'll split your episiotomy stitches laughing. 'Mad Cows should be renamed Wet Your Knickers With Laughter ...read it, love it and be prepared to change your undies! Company 'Lette's bitingly sarcastic prose ...breaks through taboos with a wit so daring that you'll gasp at her bravado before you laugh out loud' Elle